The 12 Days of Chaos

Well, the family has arrived- my parents and my brother have officially moved down here to sunny Florida, transplanted from the Jersey Shore.

And as is the case with some transplant surgeries, I think Lakewood Ranch is having a hard time accepting the foreign bodies.  In fact, if the past few weeks are any indication, I fear the town may be trying to reject them.

To say we have been having a weird strain of "bad luck" since my parents got here, is an understatement.  I have gone from wide-eyed amazement, to slack-jawed disbelief, to maniacal hysteria, and then finally, to quiet acceptance.

But we are a strong persistent lot, my family is, so it will only be a matter of time before things settle down.  More so, they have moved into a home of their own, so it seems that the spell has been broken.  And before you know it, we will all be coming together for the holidays, toasting the move and celebrating many more Thanksgivings and Christmases under palm trees as one big happy family.

With that warm holiday spirit in mind, I realized the best way to describe the madness that has been happening to us (and our home) would be by borrowing from that Christmas classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas*.

Enjoy.  

*For the sake of sanity and space (both yours and mine) I have amended the song to just the final countdown.  I also took some liberties with meter and rhythm for comedy's sake.  You're welcome.

The Twelve Days of Chaos

On the twelfth day of chaos,

my family brought to me...

12. Lightning strikes the house

11.  Clippers down the drain

10.  Cable box breaks down

9.  Wifi out 5 days

8.  Flooding on the floor

7.  Mold spores in the air vents

6.  Shower handlebar falls off

5.  Myyy car breaks doooown

4.  Smashed vodka bottle

3.  Broken wine glass

2.  AC goes out

1.  And a Mysterious Gas Leak!

Merry Early Christmas, Everyone!

Leave your own odd family experiences in the comments.  And thanks to you guys that left something last time.  Always love hearing other people's stories :)

Getting to Know Me...

I didn't make it out to the Sarasota Film Meet-Up last night.  I told Joe that I wanted to focus on returning to writing this blog, flush out a comedy show idea I had, refresh my mind on how to podcast, and even pick up his bass and watch a few beginner tutorial videos on YouTube.  

This is what I told him.

The truth is, I wanted to be alone.

I know, that is a horribly, selfish, terribly bad thing to say (especially about the man I just pledged my life to) but Joe has been working from home for the past few days and I just craved some time completely to myself.  It's one of the things that I've realized about myself at this stage of my life.  And I think it's perfectly ok to be honest with yourself about what your personal truths are.  These are the things that, after 30 years, have remained the constants in my life, better or worse.  This is me.

1.)  I like being alone.  Perhaps its my overwhelming fear of people and judgement, which shouldn't matter since you really can't escape people OR judgement, but I am at my happiest doing solitary activities, like reading, writing, staring out in space in silence, watching TVs and movies, etc.  And speaking of watching TVs and movies...

2.)  If there is a screen within my eye peripheral, I WILL look at it.  I really can't help it.  You may be telling me the most inspirational story about your ascending the peak of Mt. Everest blindfolded; a Charmin commercial will steal my focus.  It's not a good thing, but its the truth.  I am trying to work on it, but in the meantime, I warn anyone trying to tell me something, make sure my back is to the screen.  

3.)  I like routine.  I never thought I would- I always wanted to be one of those people that liked new things everyday, with unexpected surprises around every corner.  Not so.  I like knowing what to expect, especially during my work week. You want to see my eyes glaze over and suppress a panic attack?  Take away my coffee break time or the podcast I listen to every day.  Any disturbance to my routine sets my teeth on edge and makes my stomach tight.

4.)  I'm picky about food textures.  This is the easiest way I can encompass all my food oddities (which there are many).  It's not that I'm overly picky about the food themselves as I am about the textures.  And the temperatures.  So what seems like an innocent cold cut turkey sandwich to you, is a slimy cold mess to me.  In fact, if its served cold, there's a good chance I don't like it.  **You can count yourself among my close friends if you are aware of my typical rule of thumb- If it's meant to be hot (like meat), I don't like it cold.  If it's meant to be cold (like fruit), I don't like it hot.  Please please don't take it personally if I beg off from sampling your potato salad.  Or macaroni salad.  Actually salads in general are bad, I'll take chips or fries instead.

What are your personal truths?  Feel free to comment!