Fear and Loathing in Walt Disney World

Well, here I go again on my own- at least for the next few days.  Joe is off conquering worlds, both the physical and 8-bit kind, while I am here watching reruns of sitcoms to quell my fears of being home alone.

And what an ironic turn that the theme of tonight’s Simpson’s marathon is a collection of "Tree house of Horrors" episodes.  Thanks a lot, FXX.

Fear is often at the top of my mind (especially lately…), but I do try to conquer my fears whenever possible (i.e. I’m forced to).

Take one of my favorite examples.

Back when I was a kid, we went to Disney for a family vacation.  I wasn’t one of the bravest kids, so I needed to be fully assured that whatever ride we went on wasn’t going to be in the dark for too long, have scary things pop out, or be terribly loud.  I don’t know how I got talked into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, but thankfully the dark and scary parts were brief and I was rewarded with the animatronic pirates gleefully singing the song I remembered from my Disney videos.

From there we made our way to the Haunted Mansion ride.  I drew the line right then and there.  ‘Haunted’ was IN the title.  I contently nibbled on some candy with my mom while my dad and two brave sisters excitedly got on line, telling myself I wasn’t missing anything.  When they got back, my sister Lindsay couldn’t stop talking about how “cool” that ride was, and kept trying to talk me into going on it.  I pretended I didn’t care, thought deep down I did.  Years later, on a trip with just my sisters and me, they finally talked me into just getting on line with them for the Haunted Mansion.  I was shaking even as a teenager, until my sister Hillary pointed out that some 8-year old on the line was saying how “fun” and “not even scary” the ride was.  With a blush of embarrassment on my cheeks I finally gave up the “ghost” of being afraid of the Haunted Mansion ride, and is actually now one of my favorites.

The next day, my family and I hit up Epcot Center.  I sighed with relief.  Epcot is primarily an educational park, which meant to me, few, if any, thrill rides.  Leave it to Lindsay to find one.  As we made our way through the park and into the semi-circle of World Showcase, we happened into the Norwegian section and Lindsay spotted something she wanted to go on.

“Let’s do the Maelstrom ride!” she exclaimed gleefully.  I began reading the brief description of the ride.  It read something like, ‘Embark on a Norwegian adventure aboard a Viking ship, traveling through the dark waters of the North.  But beware the dragon that crosses your path!’  Hmmm, I thought, ‘dark’, ‘beware’, and ‘dragon’ all sound a little bit too freaky for me.  I begged off once again, while Lindsay pulled my mom and Hillary on the line.  My dad gently encouraged me to go as well, but I couldn’t.  I was locked in place with fear.

When they got off, I bombarded my sisters with questions.  Hillary shrugged it off, saying it was nothing special, but Lindsay, not wanting to waste a chance to tease me, began describing how the ride got really dark until all of a sudden, the eye of the dragon opened up and scared everyone.  I reasoned that the reality of what the ride was actually like was probably somewhere in the middle of their two descriptions.  I looked back over my shoulder as we left, and wondered what the dragon’s eye looked like.

I wouldn’t have my chance to see for myself until almost 20 years later, when Joe and I took a trip to Disney together.  We hit each of our favorites rides, but when we came to Norway in the World Showcase at Epcot, I was once again confronted with my old fear.  I knew logically that Maelstrom couldn’t possibly be scary to someone my age.  With some gentle assurance from Joe, we joined the long line of people while deep down, the little 8-year me began trembling with fear again.

As we got into our “boat” Joe pointed out something right away.

“See hun, they don’t even give you actual seat belts for this thing.  That should tell you something about the ‘thrill’ level of this ride,” Joe chuckled.  I began shrinking with humiliation.  I watched as infants and the elderly climbed into their boats and wondered how I could possibly still have a shred of fear about what this ride would be about.  I was still haunted by the thought of that dragon.

Finally the ride started up.  We gently toggled along in the manufactured river, hearing stories about Viking myths and legends as the lights dimmed overhead.  Suddenly, we approached a wall with a drawing of a dragon with mechanical eyes.  The narrator said something, and then the eye opened.  Just like that.  And then we moved on. 

That was it.  That was the culmination of 20 years of fear compounded by my overly-active imagination, all for some dusty, old, and faded toy eyes. 

I felt like such an idiot.  But at least I conquered that old fear that was still lingering from my childhood.  And it’s a good thing I did it when I had the chance, since Maelstrom is no longer there, and is instead being replaced by some new Frozen-themed ride.

It does make me wonder- how will they repurpose that eye?

How about you, fearsome readers?  Any fears from your youth that you conquered

Laughing to Myself, Oh Oh

Pay no attention to the cackling woman alone at her desk.  She is merely replaying old movies in her head….

You ever get something funny stuck in your head and you feel yourself starting to laugh, but you’re afraid of embarrassing yourself so you try to stifle it, which only causes you to giggle harder.  Or worse, the thing you’re laughing at is so random and esoteric if you tried to explain it to someone they would just think you’re nuts.

No?  Well, I have, and on numerous occasions.

Sometimes it’s the same thing I’ve laughed at before, but sometimes the deep recesses of my brain dredges up some old television or movie clip that I have long forgotten about.  And sometimes it’s something that is not even funny at all really, which makes me laugh even more.

In the past few weeks, my lack of sleep has resulted in my being especially delirious and slap-happy during the day, which gives way for my over saturated pop-culture-riddled brain to conjure up all sorts of things that make me laugh like a madwoman.

To give you an idea of what's going on in my brain, here are the latest clips that have surfaced and caused me such pain- and joy. 

(And in case you’re already guessing- yes.  It’s a slow news day here in Wittie Cooper Studios.)

1.)  “Whooo’s the BIRTHDAY GUUUURL!”

I can’t explain it, but that scene in “Inside Out” when Joy and Sadness wake-up Jangles the Clown and he makes a break out of Riley’s subconscious always makes me breakout- in hysterics!  Just the ridiculous look on his face and crazy way he talks- it kills me every time. 

2.)  “Have yerrrself a verrrry merrrry Christmaaaas”

In a Muppets Christmas special with John Denver from the 70s, Rowlf the Dog takes to the piano and sings “Have Yourself a Very Merry Christmas”.  For whatever reason, this popped into my head one late afternoon at work.  Remembering his low guttural voice growling out the hard R’s of the words just sent me into a verrry merrrry fit of giggles, much to the confusion of my co-workers.

3.)  “That is…cor-rect!”

Chris Farley has made me laugh more times than I can count, and some of his biggest hits for me were in the most forgotten places.  One of these hidden gems is when he played the bus driver in Billy Madison, and in particular the scene when he is helping Billy cram by playing strip-answer.  He slips off his shirt, revealing his massive belly, and gives a mischievous grin while biting his finger.  I’m. Dying.

4.)  Dr. Evil and his chair.

There was a moment in one of the Austin Powers' movies (I think it was the first, “International Man of Mystery”) where Doctor Evil simply goes to sit in his big chair, and as he sits down he slowly drifts away from the table.  He is forced to clutch the sides and scoot back to his place at the head of the table of his fellow villains.  That action and the look on his face as he composes himself had me guffawing even as I typed this.  (The GIF I used isn't from the scene I described but it made me laugh pretty hard too)

Now it’s your turn.  Let's all have a good laugh together!

Have you ever laughed so hard to yourself that you got some odd looks and questions? What was it that made you unhinge your jaw?  How did you explain/defend yourself?