Foods I Can't Believe I Got Away With Eating as a Kid

Nowadays, the big thing when it comes to kids and food it's all about organic and all-natural.  

What a gyp.

I know, I know.  There's an obesity epidemic going on and there have been proven links between diseases and diet.  And I'm not saying being healthy isn't important for kids at these early stages of development so they can be prepared to make good choices for their mind and body for the rest of their lives.

But when I recall some of the foods I used to eat as a kid, I can't help but pity the poor kid who gets the wheat-germ alfalfa "cake" for their birthday or is only allowed to spend their hard-earned allowance on hummus dip instead of Fun-Dip.  Is the fact that our generation was allowed these treats the reason such an epidemic exists?

Probably.  But every choice comes with any number of outcomes- and if my feet are taken from me years from now due to diabetes, at least I will have the sweet memories of real sugar candy and frosting to keep my engorged heart warm.

As a rememberance to these sweet memories, here are the tasty treats I can't believe I got away with eating as a kid.

1.)  "Kudos" bars
What's the difference between these bars and candy bars?  Really, not much.  The oatmeal that is coated with chocolate and candy is like Mother Theresa in a tube top and hot pants- covering the good with the evil.  It was the wiliest kid that was able to talk their parents into buying these, and they were the equivalent of gold bricks come lunch-trading time.

2.)  "Shark Bite" Fruit Snacks
These things were definitely more snacks than fruit.  Of course, that was the point.  The best were the "Great White" ones, which were fruit punch-flavored I think.  My other all time favorite was called "Gems" a kind that I only got to have two or three times and then they disappeared.  They were tiny, jewel-shaped and extra chewy.  If anyone remembers these, or even better knows if they still make them anywhere, PLEASE share the love.

3.)   "Cookie Crisp" Cereal
I've only had this cereal a few times, but the concept of it always astounded me.  Cookies?  For breakfast?  How the hell did this make it past marketing AND a health board?  Whatever magic they concocted in their conference rooms resulted in the production of a cereal that would be great in brownies, ice cream, Hell, even in cookies.  But a raring start to your day?  Let the geniuses over at Pop-Tarts field that one.

4.)  Orange Soda
After the days of first being introduced to your basic Coke and Sprite, and yet years before we would have to do the "Diet-Zero-Max Mambo", there was Orange soda.  Sweet as can be with the nice bite of carbonation, whenever I was at a birthday party or school dance, Orange soda was my date.  It wasn't until I reached that critical early adult stage and I read how of all sodas, Orange is the worst for you, that I gave it up.  My reasonable, grown-up brain still won't allow me to drink them now.  However, whenever we get Chinese and Joe gets an orange "Crush", I smell that rich fake orange smell, and am nostalgic for roller skates and Ace of Base.

5.)  Swanson's "Hungry Man Fried Chicken" TV Dinner
Back in middle school, my Saturday night consisted of back to back episodes of "Hercules", "Xena: Warrior Princess", "Mystery Science Theater 3000", two episodes of "I Love Lucy", and the "Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour" to finish out the night.  And what best to go along with this epic night of Nerd-dom than a feast worthy of the Gods.  I always went for the Fried Chicken meal (that included mashed potatoes, corn AND a brownie), and as I got a little bit older, upgraded to the whole pound of food.  Yep, not much difference between a grown male body-builder bulking up and a sad little girl on a weeknight.  Coronary, thy name is Sodium.

6.)  "Fun-Dip"
What do kids love?  Sugar.  What's one way to eat sugar?  Through a straw-like contraption, a la Pixie Sticks.  What's a better way to eat sugar?  Licking a stick of sugar to dip inside the sugar!  These were always the most expensive thing at the concession stand and for good reason.  They usually came with three or four chambers of flavored sugar to dip into.  And then of course there is the sweet tool that is also the conveyance for said-sugar.  If I had one of these now, I would be instantly transported to summer at Little Monmouth Beach Club.

7.)  "Dunkaroos"
What do you get when you mix small cookies into a vat of frosting?  A product that children and dentists loved but has nearly disappeared from grocery shelves (and kids everywhere mourned their absence).  It's not surprising, considering these things were really the junkiest of junk foods.  They didn't even try to present them with a headline of "all natural" or "soy-based", because how could you?  They didn't beat around the bush.  Cookies and flavored frosting.  You're welcome, World.

Of course part of me is relieved these things have been discontinued (or at least rare to find).  No one really should eat cookies dipped in frosting, a whole pound of deep-fried preservative-laden chicken parts, or soda so full of sugar and food coloring that your mouth would resemble a jack-o-lantern's (in that it would be orange and missing several teeth).

Still, these were the foods that were around for our generation, and whenever we give in to a taste, we are deposited right back into that moment of childhood.  And I'm sure the kids today have their own addictions and fad foods, but I can't imagine anything like these things existing today.  After all, in addition to health and nutrition education and new allergies to combat, kids today have even more troublesome things to worry about than we did.  But I just hope once in a while kids can experience their youth for what it's meant for- fun.  And a time to take advantage of the fact that this is also the age when you can eat like that and burn it off after a few rounds of TV Tag or Sharks and Minnows.  

Book Club-Hopping

I was invited to join a book club about a month ago at a pool party.  If I hadn't been on my third glass of wine, I might not have been agreed so emphatically.  I'm not typically a "joiner" to things- primarily because that requires a great deal of personal security and confidence interacting with people, and as I have previously insinuated, those aren't my strong points.  

Still, since moving here to Florida and getting to work from home, I felt the pull to force myself to join things.  I am still pretty particular about what those things are, though.  Kickball league?  I left those days of humiliation back in Monmouth Beach Elementary School, thank you.

But a book club isn't that far out of my comfort zone.  After all, my friends Erica, Lauren and I created one years ago back in Maryland, and I actually really enjoyed it at first.  We were all intelligent book readers, alternating between tapping back to our old school days, rereading classics we paid just enough attention to in order to pass our English tests, to the newest, most talked about new books that were climbing up the New York Times bestseller list.

We managed to keep it going for almost a year, but by the end, Lauren had moved away and the newest members were so well-spoken and worldly, I found myself shrinking back, quietly making generic and obvious comments just to appear smart enough.  I came down here and was happy to connect with my first friend, Kim, who then introduced me to her friend, Rachel.  Kim was kind enough to invite me along to their usual lunch meet-ups and I immediately felt comfortable and connected with them.  On about the third or fourth lunch date I mentioned that I had been in a book club back up North and would love to start one fresh again.  They both jumped on board and that day we decided on a book to read.  It went well, reading a thriller one month, Fifty Shades of Grey another, but eventually our busy lives took over and we all agreed to put the official book club to bed.  Instead we went back to what we did before, chatting and laughing over sandwiches and salads, trying out new restaurants (which will hopefully get rolled into a new blog, coming soon!) and enjoying general revelry.

Still, I wanted an excuse to meet more new people AND do something that I felt comfortable enough doing.  Hence, my agreement to join the book club of a girl I had met only a handful of times.  I contacted Kim and Rachel, hoping that perhaps they would be interested in attending with me.  Kim was unable to commit but Rachel expressed interest, so I passed along all the info I recieved to her, relieved that I would have someone with me.

The night before the big day, I got a frantic text from Rachel.  She was at the hospital with her husband who had just broken his foot.  She apologized profusely, and while I was completely understanding of her circumstances, my stomach dropped to my knees. I had been basing much of my comfort level on having a wing woman with me, and my initial reaction was to bail on the whole thing.  Instead, I took a deep breath and gave myself a pep talk.  You can do this, I thought, and if for nothing else, maybe it will be good for the blog.

With that, the next day I carefully selected my clothes, heated up my little spinach and artichoke dip to take along, and drove out to the host-girl's apartment.  I arrived, miraculously, on time and without getting lost.  In fact, as I was pulling in, I noticed the person behind me was actually the girl who had invited me.  Ok, this won't be so bad, I thought.

As we entered the apartment, everyone was still busily chatting amongst themselves.  No one even seemed to notice there was a stranger in their midst.  My sponsor began introducing me to the group and as she went around the room, it went silent.  I made a quick assessment of each girl.  There was the Fit Mom, the Tough Business Woman, the Cool Quiet One, the One-That-is-Everything-I-Wish-I-Could-Be-but-Aren't.  It was as if all the voids in my personality had been split apart and been created into each of these women.  I felt totally out of my element.  I could feel the plastic container of spinach artichoke dip rewarming in my hot sweaty hand.  

After introductions were made, I tried to carefully walk over to the snack table that had been set up.  The whole apartment looked like something out of Pinterest, and I was careful not to nudge a single artfully stacked book or vintage candleholder.  I then took a seat on the sofa and after the initial discussion of the book waned, I waited for my in into a conversation; preparing to delight the crowd with a well-placed quip or pun, thereby winning approval and several pats on the back.  Belonging.   And yes, my daydreams really do play out the same way as Zack Morris's on Saved By the Bell.

I sat there, smiling blindly, and with every chance I captured I launched a clever or funny comment out.  Unfortunately, every one either went over their heads or was trampled over with other conversations.  I started to feel sunk.  I need to talk to someone so that I can be better integrated into the group.  

I started talking to the girl who brought me and was starting to make some progress when all of a sudden, her phone buzzed.  As she glanced down at it and read it, she suddenly fell very quiet.  She began to whisper that she had to go, holding back tears.  She got up and explained to everyone that the dog she walks had suddenly been taken to the hospital and she needed to go.  As she rushed out, I felt just as I had when Rachel texted me about her husband- understanding yet disappointed.  There was a strong urge in me to rush to her side and say I had to go too, terrified to be left alone.  I didn't even think about this poor girl's emotional state.  All I could think at the time was- I being abandoned for a hurt dog??

After she had gone, I was really out in the woods.  Alone.  I tried to limp along into any conversation that would have me.  Then when the meeting was wrapping up, they mentioned the book they had chosen.  Divergent.  I tried to hold back my groan and secretly hoped we could choose something else.  Nothing against Divergent, but I just have a low tolerance for those Young Adult books- especially after we read the Host with my girls and I just barely got through that one without wanting to toss the book into a lit fireplace.

When everything was said and done, the cool leader asked if I had any questions.  I mentioned that my friend Rachel was hoping to join too, she had just had a family emergency.

"Ok, well, we will pass that along to our friend Shannon and make sure that's ok," she said, looking down into her laptop.

What do you mean you have to make sure it's ok? I thought.  And who is this mystical magical Shannon that needs to bestow approval?  I thought a book club was a free-for-all liberal commune where all were welcome, provided they bring cheap wine or bean dip.

All in all, I doubt I'll go again (or even be asked to after this has been posted).  No one was rude or mean, but I just felt too much of an outsider to feel welcome again.  I wish them well, and hope they have another five years of book-reading.

Who am I kidding- they lost me at Divergent.

The 6 People You Always See at the Airport

I love to travel.  The excitement of seeing new places and meeting new people, trying their local specialities and stepping into someone else's day to day life has always been a fascination of mine.   

But what I love even more than the destination is the journey to get there.  There is always an energy that exists in places like freeway gas stations or a busy train depot where people are packed up with their necessary belongings.  

Of course the mack-daddy of all travel hubs is the airport, where the energy is more intensely condensed with its huge array of travelers.  People are clutching their bags taking last minute trips to the bathrooms or gift shops, stocking up on candy or magazines as if by some horrific chance they actually do wind up stranded somewhere, like a desert island or Detroit (sorry Detroit), they'll be prepared.

I always make it my mission to really embrace the heightened madness of the airport and when I have finally reached my gate, I can sit in my uncomfortable metal and vinyl seat and just watch the herd of people go by.  

Recently we were traveling up from Sarasota with a layover in Atlanta and then finally finishing in Syracuse.  With all this time spent at the airport, I found myself observing the plethora of fellow travelers and realized that most can be categorized into 6 simple groups....

1.) The Forever Athletic- These people will wear polyester, spandex, Lycra or any other highly synthetic material that is usually meant to be sweat in.  However, these folks love to use the time spent getting from terminal to gate by power walking, weight-lifting with their bags, or doing crunches against the wall of a Pinkberry.   If they are feeling particularly casual they will opt for a T-shirt or sweatshirt that commemorates a 10-k or half marathon they did (it doesn't matter if it was last month or 12 years ago) so they don't have to mention it...although they are begging to have the excuse.

2.)  The Fashion Plate-  There is no differentiation between their fancy wear and casual wear for these folks.  Granted, some of these people are probably looking like the cast from Law & Order because they have a business meeting to go to. However, after seeing more than a few men wearing tight, collared, non-sweatproof shirts and jeans and several women nearly breaking their ankles running through the terminal trying to catch their connection to Dallas, I couldn't help wondering if maybe jeans and sneakers would've been a wiser choice for these ostensibly successful people.  

3.)  The Sleeper-  They were either running late, got up too early, or are battling clinical depression.  For them, what's good for the bedroom is good for a gate full of strangers, even if it means putting their bunny slippers on the conveyor belt at the security check.  They will wear their stained overly-stretched out stretch pants or sweats so big and baggy, they could store their bags inside them.  But come the time they get on the plane, when everyone's teeth are chattering from an overly air-conditioned cabin, you won't find them.  They will have enclosed themselves into the folds of their Snuggie-outfit like a fruit bat.

4.)  The Starer*-  Are they looking at you?  Do they know you from somewhere?  Do you have something in your teeth or hair?  Nope, those are just the "Starers", who dismiss the notion of personal space and societal norms by openly locking eyes with you and don't see any reason to look away.  You try to give them the benefit of the doubt (after all, maybe they are lip readers or are new to the English language), but when you realize your mouth isn't even moving, you can't help but shift under the gaze.  

*These people can also be confused for the "Magic Phoners" who are people engaged in a conversation using the latest in tiny-talk wear hidden in some orifice and are just waiting for the person on the other end to stop talking.  

5.)  The Baby-Wearers-  Primarily mothers, these travelers don't just have children, they accessorize with them.  Slung around their necks and shoulders or attached to their wrists via a kid leash, they are not prepared to let their kids go.  Literally.  If they aren't wearing their children, they will be loaded up with so many bags, purses, and gear they look like a walking ad for the latest Disney movie craze.

6.)  The Hangin'-in-there Hippie-  The 60s and 70s are long over, but don't tell these guys that.  They will eschew anything not grown on specific organic and sustainable farmlands and drive around in their super corn-fed hybrid car.  Unfortunately, Grandma's birthday is coming and their parents will stop paying for their iPhone bill if they don't fly home.  So there they are, with their white-boy dreadlocks and thread-bare "I Don't Give a Crap" T-Shirt (that actually cost around $39.99 on Etsy). These guys and gals love to be a living reminder to all that see them of an era they never even existed in.  

So be honest- are you guilty of being any of these?  And did I forget any subcultures?