The Six Voices You Always Hear on NPR

A while back I went to meet up with a group of girlfriends for our monthly book club meeting.  When I walked in they were already deep in conversation about a topic they heard about on a show called "All Things Considered".

"What's that?" I asked, somewhat embarrassed that I wasn't in the same loop as my intelligent friends.

"Oh, it's a show on NPR," one of them replied.  They then continued on with their discussion while I tried in vain to catch on.  I knew NPR was National Public Radio, but I had never bothered to listen to it.  After sitting in with my friends and hearing their in-depth analysis and opinions formed from non-biased stances on important issues, I decided that it might be good for my brain to get some mental exercise.  

And so began my NPR habit.  I began listening daily after work but then expanded to including "Car Talk" and "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" on the weekends.  It was a nice change of pace from my typical chat shows and music play lists.  But as I listened more and more, I began to notice the odd little idiosyncrasies that make up the personalities on the air.

Here is my list of the six voices you always hear on NPR.

1.)  The Uninterested British Guy
One of the common voices on NPR's "BBC World News" is the anchor who doesn't seem to be invested in the story he is telling, nor the person he is interviewing.  

2.)  The Flirt
This is a female breathy voice who seems to sounds like she is winking throughout her entire broadcast.

3.)  The Close-Talker
It sounds like the microphone is literally embedded in their trachea.

4.)  The Sour-Lemon Speaker
This person has a constant stream of saliva in their mouth and is constantly trying to combat it with several gulps and puckered lips.

5.)  The Regional Girl
She never bothered to rid herself of her accent, and as a result, as she's reporting on the debate over minimum wage, she sounds like one of Bill Swerski's Super Fans from SNL.

6.)  The Not-Funny Guy
This is a man at odds with his copy, trying desperately to work out the jokes and quips that have been written for him.

I tease, of course, because I love.  The programs on NPR are informative and interesting, but it is definitely necessary to poke fun at its' highfalutin tendencies.  I value NPR for their reporting style and variety of stories, but whenever i hear that breathy voice or those over-extended vowels, I can't help but chuckle.  These odd characteristics make the intelligent broadcasters so much more human...and take away some of my own feelings of inadequacy.

Any voices I missed?  Let me know!