It happens to the best of us. A routine trip to get a simple bite to eat
turns into a battle of wills. On the one side, we have our want and need to be
healthy and fit, to give your red blood vessels the nutrients they need to carry
to keep your body functioning in tip-top order.
But on the other, we have our desire to fill out our fat cells with
delicious deep-fried goodness and salted butter, gorging on flavors that linger on
your tongue.
You feel your insides pull
you in either direction, one side trying to gain control over you, your resolve
splitting and taking such drastic form, you can actually visualize and
personify these emotions.
I know I did one fateful afternoon on an average trip to the
fast food chain Chik-Fil-A. My two
wills were so vivid it was as if I could actually hear them conversing.
Let’s imagine how that would go in this brief playlet, or
play-telet as it were.
A Battle of Wills: A Brief Platelet
CAST:
Will Fit- Prim, slim,
and always looking for what’s best for your heart, he is a contained gentleman who hopes
for the best.
Will Fat- A doltish
oaf you are embarrassed of but who knows what you want and knows how to give it
to you.
The
setting is the parking lot of a fast-food joint. Will Fit and Will Fat are standing outside of
the establishment about to walk in, but Will Fit has a few helpful words of
advice.
WILL FIT
Well now, Fat, I know
we have a rumblin’ in our tumblin’ but this is a good opportunity to make some
good food choices that are tasty AND nutritious.
WILL FAT
(grumbles)
WILL FIT
Now no need to
fret! We will be able to enjoy a meal
here that feels like an indulgence but is actually an In-Diet-gence.
WILL FAT
….What the hell does
that even mean?
WILL FIT
Oh, you’ll see.
The
two enter the restaurant and walk up to the counter. WILL SLIM gestures towards the menu near the
ceiling pointing to the wraps and salads.
WILL FIT
Now here was have
several options to choose from. We could
have a nice chicken salad or a nice grilled chicken wrap. With some apple slices and water!
WILL FAT
(Slaps Will Fit
upside the head) I want nuggets.
WILL FIT
(Rubbing head) Well,
we can have nuggets on the salad. Nice
grilled chicken nuggets on a bed of crispy greens?
WILL FAT
(Glares at Will Slim)
No. I want fried chicken nuggets.
WILL FIT
(Sighs) Fine. Fried nuggets…on a salad.
WILL FAT
(Pushes Will Fit’s
shoulder) No! No salad. Fried chicken nuggets. On a bed of fries.
WILL FIT
(Looking back
horrified and rubbing his shoulder) Now wait just a good second here- who said
anything about fries?
WILL FAT
I did. Just now.
WILL FIT
Well, can we at least
get grilled chicken nuggets and fries?
WILL FAT
(Determined and
daring to be challenged) Fried.
Chicken. Nuggets.
WILL FIT
(Sighs, defeated)
Fine. Fried chicken nuggets and
fries. But we’ll get the small.
WILL FAT
(Looking back at the
menu) Nah. Regular size.
WILL FIT
What? Regular size? Why?
WILL FAT
(Still looking at the
menu) Because I want the regular size.
More fries. More nuggets.
WILL FIT
But we don’t NEED
more! We’ve hardly worked out at all this past week.
WILL FAT
I thought you said
these nuggets were better because they were all natural or whatever. That means they’re good for you. That means we should have more. Maybe we should get the large size!
WILL FIT
(Considers the idiocy
of this logic but simply says) Interesting idea…but if we must, then the
regular size will do. A regular sized
box of fried chicken nuggets and fries.
WILL FAT
And a lemonade.
WILL FIT
A LIGHT lemonade.
WILL FAT
Nah, a regular
lemonade.
At this, Will Fit slowly rounds on
Will Fat and grasps him by his shoulders, forcing their eyes to lock with
intensity. Will Fit unleashes some of
his clenched fury while attempting to keep the anger from his voice, but failing.
WILL FIT
Listen to me you
fatty corpuscle of refrigerated rehydrated animal protein and chemical
waste! You have pushed me for your fried
chicken flesh and salted fat flakes known as “fries” but we are getting-the
LIGHT-LEMONADE!
Will Fat gulps in suspended terror,
conceding the point and Will Fit slowly releases him back onto his feet. Will Fit returns to his composed state,
smoothing his wrinkled sleeves and affixing his controlled smile back on his
face, nodding as he speaks the order calmly to the girl behind the
counter. As he finishes, he steps back
next to Will Fat, who has been quiet for some time. Perhaps, Will Fit ponders, he has finally
learned the harsh lesson of making good choices and that one must have balance
in all things, especially in one’s diet.
Yes, Will Fit thinks, perhaps his rotund friend has finally started to
get it. And perhaps now, he will relent
on some of his gluttonous requests.
Will Fit smiles fondly to himself as
he regards his companion, and awaits to hear what revelation he has come up
with all this time while staring at the menu.
He doesn’t need to wait long before Will Fat finally speaks up.
WILL FAT
…Wanna get a
milkshake after this?
The End
