Take Back Our P******!

In reaction to the devastating results of this equally devastating election, I was torn between posting a somber and reflective response or something light and comical.

So I’ll do a little bit of both.

We Must Take Back Our Pussies!

And by that I mean the negative connotation that the word “pussy” has acquired.  I was talking to my friend Sylvan about it.

"It supposedly comes from the word pusillanimous which means 'cowardly'," she said.  I did more research on the word pusillanimous and saw it also means weak-willed or lacking determination.  However, the Online Etymology Dictionary website explains that “pussy” originated from the word “puss” meaning cat.  From there it was associated with all things furry, soft, and gentle. (i.e. pussy willow, pussy-footing, etc.)

So when exactly did we get from "cat" to "cowardly"?  Why does being called a “pussy” mean you are weak and timid, while being “ballsy” is behaving tough and strong? 

Think about it.

Balls get pushed around and pushed aside.  They get sat on.  They get sweaty and sticky.  They really only have the one job to do and the rest of the time they just hang there, unless it’s cold, in which case they tighten and curl up timidly.

Pussies, on the other hand, (and not in a hand that is violating it, mind you) are extremely resilient.  Every month or so, they undergo a daily injections of tightly bound dry cotton, delivered via a hard plastic or cardboard tube.  Or else, they are subjected to sitting on a small sweaty cotton yoga mat-like pad for several hours.  And yet it is so efficient that with minimal assistance it is able to sanitize itself.  Talk about a self-cleaning oven for your bun!

Not only that, but sexually the pussy is the much tougher genital.  It gets more force and manipulation than the balls do.  The balls, once again, just sit on the sidelines like the sad nonsexual character in a porn movie.  Also, it's interesting to note that being called a “dick” means you’re a vile, mean person.  I can understand the connection when someone is behaving cruelly or forcefully.  However, I still think the word “pussy” used in a derogatory context is still more insulting because it is unfair and simply untrue.

Lastly, but certainly not least, is the fact that a pussy is capable of bringing forth life.  It is the cauldron by which the magic of creation exists in and is the passage by which life emerges (Editor’s note: I am fully aware that it’s really the uterus that carries the child and that C-sections exist, but I am trying to make a point here).

So let us take back the word “pussy” from the mouths of people whom know not how to use it (how often have we had to put up with that, ladies?  Am I right?).  Let us instead rejoice in the word and give it the meaning it so rightly deserves; a meaning of strength and resilience.  Let us all hope to be pussies from now on.

And let us hope our new President-elect, Donald J. Trump, is the biggest pussy of them all.